Sunday, January 30, 2011


This April is the 10-year anniversary of the most traumatic time in my life. April 28, 2001, my first husband committed suicide.

The afternoon of his funeral, one of my uncles, who has since passed away, told me something that I will never forget. He said, "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in that rope and just hold on tight! Don't let go!"

Never could I have imagined how many times I would cling to that imagery! I literally pictured that rope in my mind! I had tied that knot in the end, and all I could do was hold on tight.

Some time later, I read a quote that brought all of this full circle for me.

"When you reach the end of your rope you will find the hem of His garment."

That became a lifeline for me, literally.

Another lifeline for me was music. I have always loved music of all genres, but with very few exceptions, during the aftermath of this tragedy, all I wanted to listen to was music that helped me to cling to the hem of Jesus' garment. (I say with very few exceptions, and I will address what those exceptions were in another post, as it is very telling of my spiritual state during this time.)

There is a song that I had on repeat in my car for literally months. I am surprised that I did not literally wear the CD out, I played this song so much. It's called, "Jesus, Lover of My Soul (It's All About You)" by Passion.

In the days, weeks, months, and first few years after his death, I literally clung to God with everything in me. There is no question in my mind that the only reason I am here today is because of the mercy of Jesus Christ. There came a point when that knot was not strong enough to hold me even.... and I let go. I was devastated, depleted, exhausted, and quite frankly, very suicidal myself. All I could do is cling to the hem of His garment and sing, "It's all about You, Jesus... for Your glory and Your fame. You alone are God."

If you are familiar at all with the Bible, you know this refers to the woman who was very sick who had faith that if she could just touch the hem of Jesus' garment she would be healed. (Mark 5 :42-34) For me, I was not looking to be healed at this point in my life, I simply knew that this was all that was keeping me breathing.

America, all that is in this life is about Jesus. We wander around aimlessly so much of our lives, trying to figure out how we have gotten to the point we have gotten. Our personal lives become a chaotic mess and so much of the time we try to fix things ourselves and wonder why we cannot fix them. We must surrender to Jesus. It's all about Him. He is a very jealous God and we have betrayed Him by putting many other things before Him. He has ordained our country by the hand of His Divine Providence. We have turned our back on Him.

America- do you truly want our country to be healed? I plead with you to join me on your knees. We must, as a nation, humble ourselves before Him. We must worship Him and praise Him because He Is Alpha and Omega. He IS The Beginning and The End. Just because many choose not to believe His Words does not make them any less true.

Time is growing short. We must turn back to God. We as a nation are exactly where I was after this personal tragedy in my life.

Many people blame God when bad things happen. I believe God allows bad things to happen, but He does not cause them. He allowed this horrible thing to happen in my life, but He did not cause it. Human choices caused consequences that were tragic. In this tragedy I clung to Him. It truly is all about Him. For HIS glory!

America, God wants to do the same thing for our nation! We, as a nation, are truly at the end of our rope. Will you reach for the hem of His garment? Or will you continue on in your stubborn pride? My heart aches for this nation!

I pray today, as I do each day, for Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords complete healing. I pray for her husband Mark Kelly. I pray that God will use this miracle to reach this nation who has turned so far away from Him. Have mercy on this nation, Lord God. I pray, have mercy on this nation! Open up the eyes of those who deny You.

The world is crumbling down around us. There is no stability in anything outside of You, Jesus.  There is no stability in our government. There is no stability in a career or job or position. There is no stability in finances. There is no stability in anything but You. Lord God, please open the eyes of this lost nation.

I pray these things in the precious, holy Name of Jesus Christ- Amen.

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