LEADERSHIP DEFINED

"A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go, but ought to go."   Unknown

I found this quote today on a graphic as I was doing research for another project I am working on. I tweeted it out, because it really hit home to me.

Before I became a mommy, I was on staff at our church in the Youth Department. I was basically the female Youth Pastor, though I did not have the official title.

I will try to keep my "church history" as brief as possible, because that's not what this post is about. However, I do believe it is important to set up my thought process in all of this.

I was raised in a very legalistic church. My brother and I were both known as the "black sheep" of the church because our parents raised us to make our own decisions, not just follow along.

When I was 14-years-old I was sexually assaulted. As a very naive' 14-year-old, I was totally shocked, not only at what had happened, but that it was even possible. This event sent me on a downward spiral that would last a decade and a half or so.

THE POWER OF MUSIC

I mentioned in yesterday's post how important music is in my life. As long as I can remember I have loved all kinds of music. I cannot carry a tune in a tin bucket, but I love to sing! I just make sure no one is around when I do!

It wasn't until about 9 years ago that I realized how powerful music can be.

Though I love all kinds of music, I am not someone who actually hears the lyrics a lot of times. The chorus, yes, of course, most of the time I do know the words. But the actual verses of songs, I am not always aware of.

COUNTLESS LIVES HAVE BEEN AFFECTED

I watched the interview with Mark Kelly, the husband of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, last night. My heart ached as he talked about seeing the misinformation that his wife had died. My heart smiled as I listed to him talk about their love, in spite of the distance that is often between them.

In the days that have passed since this tragedy, Mr. Kelly has been in my thoughts and prayers much of the time. As I watched the news on that Saturday, in the beginning, as they were reporting that she had died, my heart ached for her family. I know what it is like to lose a spouse in a tragedy. While my tragedy was not national news, grief is no respecter of persons. If you love someone, it hurts when you lose that person.

When reports started coming out that Ms. Giffords had not died, that she was in surgery, all I could do is pray, and stay glued to the TV. Literally all day long, I just sat, watching for some news of her. My husband would ask me throughout the day if I was OK, if I wanted to talk. I didn't really know what to say.

It wasn't until a couple of days later that I put my finger on why I was so drawn in by this story. Yes, while it is completely different from my tragedy, I identified with the heart break that was going on in Arizona. While Ms. Giffords was still in critical condition, hope was looking up for her. However, there were still senseless deaths that happened that day.

Countless lives have been affected by this tragedy. As I have talked about and prayed from the beginning of this blog the day after the tragedy in Arizona, the family of Ms. Giffords, the families of all those who were killed that day, the families of those who were shot but lived through it, the family of the shooter, the first responders, those who were shopping in the Shopping Center that day.... the list goes on and on. Countless lives were affected that day.

I have learned that the only comfort for me in these times is Jesus. Talking to Him, writing to Him, crying to Him, just being in His presence is the only comfort that truly soothes my soul. Yes, the pain is still there, but it is bearable because He is there. I truly cast my cares on Him.

Yesterday, as I read the news of Connor Mennings committing suicide at school, once again, my heart ached. It's been almost 10 years since my first husband shot himself, taking his own life. That horrible night is forever etched in my mind's eye. While the nightmares are not nearly as often as they were in the first days, weeks, months and years past this tragedy, that scene changed me. I have a new understanding of true terror. I could not change what was happening before my very eyes.

I have asked myself countless times what could I have done. Could I have said something that would have made a difference? I will never know the answer to that question. What I do know is that the aftermath of this tragedy changed many lives forever. Yes, God, in His infinite beauty and love, has turned this horrible tragedy for good (Romans 8:28). He has used me and allowed me to be open to share my grief and experience with others, so they know that they are not alone. When I was living this nightmare, there was so very few people I could talk to. My prayer is that God will allow me to continually turn this tragedy for good, by letting me be there to help others who are going through a tragedy like this. It is my prayer that my life can be seen as an example of how when you let Jesus have the pieces of your shattered life, He will lovingly and gently and patiently put your life back together. No, it will never be the same as it was before. Yes, there will always be a hollow place in your heart that aches and echoes with the loss of your loved one or the pain you have experienced. But that pain and echo can become beautiful when the love and light of Jesus shines through it.

Today, I continue to pray for all the lives that have been affected in these two tragedies. I continue to pray for Congresswoman Giffords, Mark Kelly, and their extended family and friends. I pray for all those families who lost loved ones and friends on that horrible day. I pray for this country, as politicians jockey to take advantage of this tragedy. I pray for common sense to prevail, as things are getting completely ridiculous, with the political correctness that is being pushed. I pray for the blame game to stop, and accountability to be allowed to happen. I pray for justice to be carried out to the man who committed this horrible crime. I pray for his soul, that he would repent of his sins, and turn to the forgiving mercy and grace of Christ Jesus. Again, I believe just punishment for this crime should be the death penalty for his mortal life, but I continue to pray for his immortal soul.

I pray for the family and friends of Connor Mennings. I pray for the teachers and students at his school. I pray for the youth across this country who feel that suicide is the only answer the pain they are experiencing. Yes, I most definitely believe that their pain is real. However, I know that suicide is NEVER the answer! Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. I pray that those who do not know the love, mercy and grace of my Savior, Jesus Christ, will seek Him. If you seek, you will find Him. I could have never made it through the tragedy I went through without having Jesus to comfort me. The pain was still there, but my healing was only possible because of the love of Jesus Christ. Of this, I have absolutely no doubt.

I pray that all those who have been affected by these tragedies will find it inside themselves to forgive. I learned the hard way that you have to go through all the stages of grief. I pray that each of these people will allow themselves to walk through this process. I fought part of the process, and it just prolonged my grief and healing. This is a natural process that must take place for true healing to take place. I believe this is why so many people never heal from the tragic events in their lives.

I pray that each of these tragedies will be turned to something beautiful. Many will not be able to see how that is eve possible. I did not see how it could be in my tragedy for many years. And the beauty did not come from me- the beauty came from Jesus. It truly is a miracle, just as Ms. Giffords living through this is a miracle. All praise, glory and honor be to Jesus Christ.

I pray all of these things in the Name of Jesus Christ- Amen.

MY HEART IS SILENT

My heart has felt strangely silent today. I've been in prayer, throughout the day, but could not focus. I now know why. There is a specific event that needs fervent prayers right now.

Suicide crosses all ethnic, social and economic boundaries.  Unfortunately, too many people see that suicide is the only answer to their problems.

Today, a Vermont school is forever changed. The family of Connor Menning, who attended Mount Mansfield Union High School in Jericho, Vermont, took his own life this morning.  Story Source

There are no words that I can say or even pray that will ease the pain of what this family is going through. And the pain of what they are going through today is but just a drop in the bucket of what they will be experiencing in the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

I am a survivor of suicide. I witnessed my first husband put a gun in his mouth and take his own life. It has been almost ten years since this life-changing event, and yet, I still remember the intense pain that became my life for many years. It is ONLY because of the love, grace and healing mercy of God that I am who I am today. This tragedy does not define me, but this tragic event proved to be a catalyst for God's Amazing Love to pour down on my life.

I am very troubled by the fact that the article says that school remained in session today, due to exams, but that counselors were on hand if anyone needed to talk. I cannot imagine sitting through a class after this going on, much less having to take an exam! I pray that every parent will petition the school to allow students to make up these exams.

I'm very curious as to how professionals could make such an unprofessional decision like this. The only thing that makes sense to me is the Scripture that says, "the love of many will grow cold." (Matthew 24:12) Maybe I am missing something here, but to expect students to go about their day as if nothing happened is beyond comprehension. But to expect students to perform their best on exams after having this happen is unfathomable!

It is my prayer that each one of those students will find someone to talk to. I pray that the parents, extended family and friends of Connor Menning will find comfort in Christ Jesus during this tragedy. There are no answers that make sense in a time like this. I have searched for answers for almost 10 years now. Some answers I do have, many I do not. The answers I do have do not really make it any easier.

My life is beautiful, now. I am re-married, to a wonderful man, and we have 5 beautiful children. If this tragedy had not happened in my life, I would not have the life I have now. But, as beautiful as my life is now, as happy as my life is now- I will never, ever forget the intense, debilitating pain that I lived for so many years.

I continue to pray for Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords complete recovery. The reports I have heard are very promising. I hold fast to this miracle from God, and praise Him for the progress she has made so far. I started this prayer blog expecting a miracle in her recovery. But I know that I will continue to pray, on a daily basis, for her complete recovery, as well as this nation.

The title says it all. We must humble ourselves and pray. For too long we have become complacent with the blessings we have. I am speaking of myself in this, as well. We cannot blame God when things go wrong, yet forget to praise Him in the good things that He does.

I continue to seek prayer warriors to join me in this Spiritual Battle. We must fight this battle on our knees. Our power comes from the Name of Jesus. We cannot fight this battle without the power of His Name.

I pray these things in the Name of Jesus- Amen.